Doxa
by hikachu
Summary: People are like ants: while waiting for Rikuo in the park, Kazahaya meets a peculiar man, and the two discuss people and their nature.


**DOXA**

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

Kazahaya's head moves and his gaze shifts from the kitten squirming on his lap to the stranger standing at his right. He's very tall and his hair is dark, and in spite of the goldrimmed glasses perched on his straight nose, the man is clearly handsome, surrounded by a friendly air, and Kazahaya is reminded of Saiga, who's probably sleeping somewhere in the drugstore right now.

"Oh no," he manages to answer, embarrassed by the realization that he's been staring for several seconds. "Please, I was just—uhm—"

"Thank you," the man replies, not waiting for him to finish whatever he was trying to explain. His smile is wider now and it makes Kazahaya feel oddly at ease and nervous at the same time. This stranger, he ponders, watching as the other sits down on the bench, is much more similar to Kakei: in the way he speaks and moves and carries himself. Finding other resemblances with Saiga has become difficult, after that first glance.

Kazahaya gulps and forces himself to return his attention to the cat: he strokes the soft fur behind its ears and the tiny creature lets out a loud purr that makes both Kazahaya and the tall man laugh.

Kazahaya finds himself staring again, without knowing why; more than a little ashamed by his odd behavior. The park seems to fall silent: the children and young mothers are far away—they've run to some place where they can't be heard anymore. There's only the gentle rustle of leaves now; the gentle song of the wind and the words Kazahaya can't find. He feels like he's trying to decipher a secret message: something he _must_ know, must learn, but he can't find the right key to open this mysterious chest, and this worries him.

"Is it yours?" the man asks, breaking the silence between them.

Kazahaya follows the tan finger pointing in his direction and sees the cat mewling discontentedly at him, probably feeling neglected. Then Kazahaya realizes that one of his hands is raised, and he can't remember lifting it, though he knows immediately that he'd wanted to touch the stranger, to let his powers help him to understand—

"No, it's not mine," Kazahaya answers, smiling bashfully, "I'm simply… taking care of it for a while."

"Ah, I see—I've seen a lot of teenagers doing it to earn some money—taking care of other people's pets, I mean."

"It's not… exactly like that," Kazahaya explains, not daring to move his eyes from the cat this time, "my… uhm, my coworker and I were asked to retrieve this kitten. I'm waiting for him, so we can finally bring him back home." Teeth sink into his lower lip in a nervous gesture, but then the tiny creature tries to climb up his shirt using its small claws, and Kazahaya laughs again, sincerely. "But yeah, that's a popular job nowadays," he adds, surprised at himself for humoring this stranger in spite of everything, "I guess dealing with animals can be easier than dealing with children, or just people in general."

He's somehow forced to look at the other again when receives no answer. The man takes his glasses off and looks slightly taken aback: he blinks a couple times before puts them back on and chuckles a bit, amused.

"W-What!" Kazahaya stammers, feeling his face burn with embarrassment for the second time in such a short while, "Did I say—Did I say something wrong, or strange…?"

The man shakes his head, and offers him a pleasant smile.

"Not at all." A pause. "I… know someone who often says the same thing. He's really sweet. And selfless. I've never met someone as selfless as him." He shakes his head briefly, with apparent fondness. "I bet you must be pretty kind yourself…"

"…Kazahaya. My name is Kazahaya Kudo. Nice to meet you." Cringing at his own naïve honesty, Kazahaya decides to blame it all on the many – too many – etiquette lessons he's had to go through during his childhood.

"Seishirou Sakurazuka; it's a pleasure to meet you, Kazahaya-kun." Seishirou's voice is deep, and peculiarly melodic: it would be easy to follow its sound and forget the meaning each word carries—to lose yourself just by listening to his voice. Kazahaya's eyes narrow and he doesn't feel guilty for ignoring the hand that the older man has extended towards him.

He only realizes his own rudeness when Seishirou laughs again.

"I'm sorry," he says, though his merry tone tells otherwise, "I guess that was a bit too forward? My apologies, Kazahaya-kun: I'm getting old, and I tend to get too friendly—I forget what's proper and what isn't."

"Oh, no no no no!" Kazahaya's hands shot upwards and he flails, feeling again as if he's the guilty one. "It's not like that at all! I, I was the rude one—Sakurazuka-san!" It's weird, how this nice man makes him feel so… intimidated, as if merely sitting with him were a horrible mistake.

"It's alright," Seishirou says and then decides that it's time to change subject: "It looks like our little friend is really fond of you."

Kazahaya's eyes return on the cat and he smiles warmly. "Well, we get along pretty well." His expression changes into a childish frown when Rikuo's smirking face pops into his mind, literally out of nowhere. "My coworker loves to make fun of me because of that. Actually, he just loves to make fun of me, no matter the reason." A sigh. "He says I'm like a stray cat myself."

"Oh, well, I can't say he's wrong: you're both really cute after all." Seishirou's clearly amused and Kazahaya is mortified. The man has apparently forgotten the small incident from earlier, and Kazahaya is too polite to get angry at a stranger—especially one that, teasing or not, has been nice to him.

"What about you?" the boy asks after a while, trying to divert the attention from himself, "Are you here to enjoy the nice weather, Sakurazuka-san?"

Seishirou's first reply is a dramatic sigh. "Unfortunately not. I'm here for work: I'm waiting for someone too," he explains, and his smile is wider and warm.

"Oh, I see… Uhm, can I ask what kind of job do you have?"

"Ah, of course: I'm a veterinarian."

"Really?" the teenager asks, momentarily forgetting his uneasiness.

"Really. Why, would you like to become one too, one day?"

Kazahaya realizes, albeit distractedly, that this is the first time that Sakurazuka-san sounds genuinely curious about something.

"No—Actually, I've never really thought about things like that—about the future… I'm probably still too immature," he scratches his head, not sure of what to say next. "I bet it's great, though—being a vet. I mean, you've probably seen many different species and—"

"Sure, though it's a job that gives you the chance to learn a lot of things about humans too."

"…Oh?"

"With every patient I take care of, I also need to meet and talk to their owners, of course. And even those pets that have been abandoned and are brought to me by someone who found them wandering around, can teach a lot about people—their wounds, and the way they whimper when you try to touch them do."

Kazahaya lowers his gaze and clutches the cat tighter to himself, saddened. "That's… horrible."

"Yes. Yes, it is. But it's true, and we shouldn't ignore anything that's hurtful or horrible, because it's part of what life is. Of what we humans are. Differently from animals, we wound and kill not because we need to, but because we can."

"I… don't want to hurt anyone, ever."

"I know, and that's because you're kind. But, there are people who are heartless, and cannot find a valid reason to stop themselves from committing evil deeds. As rational beings, our very nature is a cruel one, because we can decide what to do—our actions depend entirely on our will, don't you think?"

A weak nod.

"Kazahaya-kun. I'm sorry if I made you feel sad: it was not my intention. After all, I've also learnt a lot of good things—things which can make you understand why everyone deserves respect—for example,"

"Yes?" Kazahaya looks at Seishirou in the eye, hopeful.

"For example, that people are like ants."

"A-Ants…?!"

"Exactly." A small chuckle. "They work hard, and accomplish tasks that are impossible to complete for creatures so fragile, at a first glance—have you ever noticed how big does the tiniest crumb look, next to a single ant?"

Kazahaya nods, enraptured. The cat meows to get his attention, but its wordless protest goes unheard.

"Good. I believe everyone is like that, at least a bit—people need to be strong, because life itself is one long struggle: against the world, the others—even ourselves, though I'm not quite sure about it—I'm too lazy and spoiled to deny myself anything." Seishirou concludes and Kazahaya feels himself smiling, foolishly grateful.

For some reason, his quiet mirth dies slowly when the man starts to speak again:

"Of course, there are exceptions."

"Exceptions? You mean…" Kazahaya swallows, before completing his sentence, "people that aren't—aren't strong enough, Sakurazuka-san?"

"Ah, you're truly smart, Kazahaya-kun! Indeed, I was referring to people like that—those that can't, no, _won't_ fight for themselves; so, perhaps, it's not that they aren't strong, but rather that they won't use that strength for their own sake. They're just like rabbits."

"How?"

"Mmmh, have you ever heard that old tale, Kazahaya-kun? A rabbit, not knowing how to help a tired wanderer, throws itself into the fire so that the man can eat its flesh and regain his forces—"

"But, that man in the end was a god, and he saved the rabbit—he brought the rabbit to live with him on the moon—"

"You know the story well, Kazahaya-kun, but do you think that such selfless people are always rewarded for their sacrifices?"

The boy's eyes widen, and he wants to get away from this man again: he speaks the truth, but his tone, the words he chooses—he makes everything sound so simple, as if—as if nothing really mattered. As if everything were useless. As if nothing good could ever come out of the actions of an individual, because nobody else cares about what's good and what isn't, preferring what's pleasant, useful.

"But," he replies, trying to be brave, trying to convince himself that this man is wrong in the things he doesn't say but implies with his smiles, "I think that people like that are really brave."

"And maybe they are. I don't know; I find them adorable, but, who knows if theirs too isn't just a way to please themselves by satisfying their sense of duty?"

Kazahaya is angry and pained at the same time, he wants to—he _almost_ thinks that it would be alright to hurt this person—even though he's smiling and polite and kind. Kazahaya feels guilty and ashamed once again, but the anger doesn't go away. He's confused because he's never wanted to hurt anyone, except for Rikuo when he teases him, but even then it's different. People—They can't be naturally evil: he knows that his affection for Kei is real, as well as his respect and the strange fondness he holds for Kakei and Saiga and even that stupid Rikuo himself. Kazahaya cannot touch or see his own feelings, but they're unmistakably _there_—how could they be lies when they exist? This person is wrong, wrong, wrong.

And so he asks:

"What are you then, Sakurazuka-san? Are you one of the ants too?"

Seishirou looks at him for a couple of long instants, half-skeptical, half-amused, before he laughs (making Kazahaya blush again) and answers apologetically: "I'm afraid not. As I've already said, I'm really spoiled and lazy. I believe that I'm more like one of those children who watch the ants walk in line and the rabbits jump into the fire from a distance. I'm curious, but I cannot bring myself to do anything to fit in—I guess I'm too frivolous to live properly?" Then Seishirou taps his chin thoughtfully. "But perhaps that's the reason why I'm so fascinated by rabbits: in a sense, they're my total opposite, don't you agree?"

And Kazahaya wants to reply: 'yes' and 'go away' or 'stop joking about these things' and there's a part of him that's wondering if this man would kill the ants without any remorse or laugh at the dying rabbits like the cruel children he's mentioned would. He really wants to, but doesn't, because Seishirou has just gotten to his feet and Kazahaya doesn't understand. The man's shadow is covering him now, and he doesn't like it.

"I have to go," the other explains, "It seems the person I was waiting for has finally arrived."

"Oh. It was—It was a pleasure, Sakurazuka-san," Kazahaya stutters; his animosity is quickly slipping away now that the man is not as close to him as before, and the boy decides to make up for his rudeness by offering his hand to Seishirou.

"The pleasure was all mine, Kazahaya-kun," he says, and looks at him almost knowingly; his smile is still wide but cold (would it be an exaggeration to call it cruel?) and it's obvious that he's purposefully ignoring the outstretched hand—Kazahaya can't decide if it's for a childish sort of revenge or, or something else. He can't imagine what this 'something else' could be either, though. He wants to look away but finds that he can't; he shivers. The park is silent again.

"Thanks for putting up with the rants of an old man!" Seishirou exclaims playfully, bowing politely before he walks away—the change is so swift that Kazahaya has to wonder if there's something wrong with himself today: maybe he hasn't eaten enough at breakfast, or that cold hasn't completely gone away—And then he blinks, and he can hear the birds chirping, the children laughing and the mothers chatting again. Seishirou is nowhere in sight, and Kazahaya feels oddly relieved—quite giddy, even.

He's so full of energies that when Rikuo finally arrives, he can't help but put on a scene just for the sake of it. As they walk together to the store and bicker like any other day, though, Kazahaya wonders distractedly just why would a vet wait for a costumer in the park.


End file.
